firegrowshigher:

slutofbabylon:

The powers that be do not want me to have a good night. 

Man, let’s say you’re at a party, yeah?  And there are people at the party that prefer cake, and people at the party who prefer pie, so the host serves both.  Alright, cool.
So you go in for a slice of pie, when suddenly the host CHARGES over and goes “WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
“I’m having some pie, man, chill.”
“What the hell?  I thought you had cake last time.”
“Yeah, I did have cake last time.  But I’m not feeling the cake tonight.  And this is my favorite kind of pie.”
“Ohhh no.  I thought you were a CAKE person and now all of a sudden you’re eating pie on me?  You’re confusing me!  Make up your mind!”
“What’s the big deal, even?  There’s plenty of both for everyone.”
“YOU CAN’T LIKE BOTH CAKE AND PIE.  YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.”
But man, fuck that guy, I’m going to have the pie anyway, who cares if I had cake last week.  
And then if that pie is so good that I never want any other dessert for the rest of my life, that doesn’t mean I suddenly never liked that cake that I ate.
Actually this metaphor is kind of dumb.  I guess I should just leave it at “fuck you.”

No, it’s sweet. In fact, it’s a lovely springboard for the rest of the sexualities. For instance, asexuality:
You’re enjoying the party - the music, the conversation - but you just don’t feel like eating cake or pie.
Suddenly, the host charges over with some cake he’s sure you’ll love. He knows this cake. It’s not too rich and not too dry. You politely refuse.
The party keeps going until the host comes back with a slice of pie, practically shoving it in your hands. You try to refuse again.
"Oh come on, what do you want?"
"Nothing, I’m fine."
"Are you on a diet?"
"No, I just don’t eat pie. Or cake."
"…you had a bad experience with dessert, didn’t you?"
"Excuse me?"
"Forgive me if I’m getting too personal, but it had to be something traumatic. Did someone spike a baked good of whatever construction with a laxative?"
"Fuck no. I just have no desire to eat dessert. I’m sure your pies, cakes, muffins, cookies, waffles, wafers, Nutella sandwiches, what have you…I’m sure they are all lovely. Please, serve them to any and all who would consume them. I’m not one of them. Is that really so hard to comprehend?"
"…you just haven’t found the right one."

firegrowshigher:

slutofbabylon:

The powers that be do not want me to have a good night. 

Man, let’s say you’re at a party, yeah?  And there are people at the party that prefer cake, and people at the party who prefer pie, so the host serves both.  Alright, cool.

So you go in for a slice of pie, when suddenly the host CHARGES over and goes “WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

“I’m having some pie, man, chill.”

“What the hell?  I thought you had cake last time.”

“Yeah, I did have cake last time.  But I’m not feeling the cake tonight.  And this is my favorite kind of pie.”

“Ohhh no.  I thought you were a CAKE person and now all of a sudden you’re eating pie on me?  You’re confusing me!  Make up your mind!”

“What’s the big deal, even?  There’s plenty of both for everyone.”

“YOU CAN’T LIKE BOTH CAKE AND PIE.  YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.”

But man, fuck that guy, I’m going to have the pie anyway, who cares if I had cake last week.  

And then if that pie is so good that I never want any other dessert for the rest of my life, that doesn’t mean I suddenly never liked that cake that I ate.

Actually this metaphor is kind of dumb.  I guess I should just leave it at “fuck you.”

No, it’s sweet. In fact, it’s a lovely springboard for the rest of the sexualities. For instance, asexuality:

You’re enjoying the party - the music, the conversation - but you just don’t feel like eating cake or pie.

Suddenly, the host charges over with some cake he’s sure you’ll love. He knows this cake. It’s not too rich and not too dry. You politely refuse.

The party keeps going until the host comes back with a slice of pie, practically shoving it in your hands. You try to refuse again.

"Oh come on, what do you want?"

"Nothing, I’m fine."

"Are you on a diet?"

"No, I just don’t eat pie. Or cake."

"…you had a bad experience with dessert, didn’t you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Forgive me if I’m getting too personal, but it had to be something traumatic. Did someone spike a baked good of whatever construction with a laxative?"

"Fuck no. I just have no desire to eat dessert. I’m sure your pies, cakes, muffins, cookies, waffles, wafers, Nutella sandwiches, what have you…I’m sure they are all lovely. Please, serve them to any and all who would consume them. I’m not one of them. Is that really so hard to comprehend?"

"…you just haven’t found the right one."

(Source: not-homophobic-but)

Notes

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  8. shortandbubbly reblogged this from crapaglia
  9. crapaglia reblogged this from mymanifesteddestiny
  10. iambreakingthehabit reblogged this from astoldbysydney and added:
    Some of us have tasted cake and pie, liked both but prefer to eat only cake. Not because the pie is worst, but because...
  11. mymanifesteddestiny reblogged this from astoldbysydney
  12. astoldbysydney reblogged this from sarcasmandstardust
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  14. sarcasmandstardust reblogged this from endersbegin
  15. endersbegin reblogged this from livingthegaydream
  16. lilyuphigh reblogged this from schala
  17. schala reblogged this from fatespectrum and added:
    Jen, if you bring this post back, I swear to God…
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  19. ich-bin-ein-berliner-421 reblogged this from lgbtlaughs
  20. thismodernglitches reblogged this from bicuriousadvice
  21. mynewnameisfluffy reblogged this from bcrnesbucky
  22. skarletsparrow reblogged this from skarletsparrow
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  24. everythingvitalisunreasonable reblogged this from herestothedesperatedasher
  25. honey-over-thunder reblogged this from theheadlessqueen
  26. maracastrogarza reblogged this from gaybuckybarnes
  27. gaybuckybarnes reblogged this from isthisgospel
  28. theheadlessqueen reblogged this from isthisgospel
  29. isthisgospel reblogged this from slutofbabylon and added:
    "I’m not homphobic" no you’re not you’re biphobic congrats
  30. indubitably-zahhak reblogged this from herestothedesperatedasher
  31. ashenhartkrie reblogged this from herestothedesperatedasher