firegrowshigher:

slutofbabylon:

The powers that be do not want me to have a good night. 

Man, let’s say you’re at a party, yeah?  And there are people at the party that prefer cake, and people at the party who prefer pie, so the host serves both.  Alright, cool.
So you go in for a slice of pie, when suddenly the host CHARGES over and goes “WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
“I’m having some pie, man, chill.”
“What the hell?  I thought you had cake last time.”
“Yeah, I did have cake last time.  But I’m not feeling the cake tonight.  And this is my favorite kind of pie.”
“Ohhh no.  I thought you were a CAKE person and now all of a sudden you’re eating pie on me?  You’re confusing me!  Make up your mind!”
“What’s the big deal, even?  There’s plenty of both for everyone.”
“YOU CAN’T LIKE BOTH CAKE AND PIE.  YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.”
But man, fuck that guy, I’m going to have the pie anyway, who cares if I had cake last week.  
And then if that pie is so good that I never want any other dessert for the rest of my life, that doesn’t mean I suddenly never liked that cake that I ate.
Actually this metaphor is kind of dumb.  I guess I should just leave it at “fuck you.”

No, it’s sweet. In fact, it’s a lovely springboard for the rest of the sexualities. For instance, asexuality:
You’re enjoying the party - the music, the conversation - but you just don’t feel like eating cake or pie.
Suddenly, the host charges over with some cake he’s sure you’ll love. He knows this cake. It’s not too rich and not too dry. You politely refuse.
The party keeps going until the host comes back with a slice of pie, practically shoving it in your hands. You try to refuse again.
"Oh come on, what do you want?"
"Nothing, I’m fine."
"Are you on a diet?"
"No, I just don’t eat pie. Or cake."
"…you had a bad experience with dessert, didn’t you?"
"Excuse me?"
"Forgive me if I’m getting too personal, but it had to be something traumatic. Did someone spike a baked good of whatever construction with a laxative?"
"Fuck no. I just have no desire to eat dessert. I’m sure your pies, cakes, muffins, cookies, waffles, wafers, Nutella sandwiches, what have you…I’m sure they are all lovely. Please, serve them to any and all who would consume them. I’m not one of them. Is that really so hard to comprehend?"
"…you just haven’t found the right one."

firegrowshigher:

slutofbabylon:

The powers that be do not want me to have a good night. 

Man, let’s say you’re at a party, yeah?  And there are people at the party that prefer cake, and people at the party who prefer pie, so the host serves both.  Alright, cool.

So you go in for a slice of pie, when suddenly the host CHARGES over and goes “WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

“I’m having some pie, man, chill.”

“What the hell?  I thought you had cake last time.”

“Yeah, I did have cake last time.  But I’m not feeling the cake tonight.  And this is my favorite kind of pie.”

“Ohhh no.  I thought you were a CAKE person and now all of a sudden you’re eating pie on me?  You’re confusing me!  Make up your mind!”

“What’s the big deal, even?  There’s plenty of both for everyone.”

“YOU CAN’T LIKE BOTH CAKE AND PIE.  YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.”

But man, fuck that guy, I’m going to have the pie anyway, who cares if I had cake last week.  

And then if that pie is so good that I never want any other dessert for the rest of my life, that doesn’t mean I suddenly never liked that cake that I ate.

Actually this metaphor is kind of dumb.  I guess I should just leave it at “fuck you.”

No, it’s sweet. In fact, it’s a lovely springboard for the rest of the sexualities. For instance, asexuality:

You’re enjoying the party - the music, the conversation - but you just don’t feel like eating cake or pie.

Suddenly, the host charges over with some cake he’s sure you’ll love. He knows this cake. It’s not too rich and not too dry. You politely refuse.

The party keeps going until the host comes back with a slice of pie, practically shoving it in your hands. You try to refuse again.

"Oh come on, what do you want?"

"Nothing, I’m fine."

"Are you on a diet?"

"No, I just don’t eat pie. Or cake."

"…you had a bad experience with dessert, didn’t you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Forgive me if I’m getting too personal, but it had to be something traumatic. Did someone spike a baked good of whatever construction with a laxative?"

"Fuck no. I just have no desire to eat dessert. I’m sure your pies, cakes, muffins, cookies, waffles, wafers, Nutella sandwiches, what have you…I’m sure they are all lovely. Please, serve them to any and all who would consume them. I’m not one of them. Is that really so hard to comprehend?"

"…you just haven’t found the right one."

(Source: not-homophobic-but)

Notes

  1. bluebird32 reblogged this from symphonicstarlight
  2. natonhyperdrive reblogged this from majesticajeff and added:
    What the fuck did this even turn into? Fuck you guys, now I want cake….goddamnit
  3. majesticajeff reblogged this from anasiana
  4. anasiana reblogged this from melsinastrangeland
  5. melsinastrangeland reblogged this from allthatandasideoftom
  6. captain-of-the-mothership reblogged this from nowhereofmiddle
  7. thefandomtraitor reblogged this from thishazeleyeddemon
  8. proudhumility reblogged this from thishazeleyeddemon
  9. kasonlove reblogged this from typothefox
  10. typothefox reblogged this from orgasmictipsforgirls
  11. there-might-be-stars reblogged this from ditsyskittledoodlr
  12. lalalasmiless reblogged this from bookworm5-
  13. ultradad-ultrason reblogged this from bookworm5-
  14. haunted--heart reblogged this from dreaminginhappiness
  15. nowhereofmiddle reblogged this from allthatandasideoftom
  16. the-rainbow-cleaver reblogged this from rainbow-lizzard
  17. dreaminginhappiness reblogged this from allthatandasideoftom
  18. rainbow-lizzard reblogged this from tom-hehehehehe-hiddleston
  19. tom-hehehehehe-hiddleston reblogged this from allthatandasideoftom
  20. allthatandasideoftom reblogged this from smokegetsinmyeyes
  21. noonecarezs reblogged this from bookworm5-
  22. smokegetsinmyeyes reblogged this from bookworm5-